Birthday party phobia...

My roommate, Dena, is obsessed with webMd. At least she used to be. I think she may have conquered her addiction, but that is besides the point.  When we lived together and she didn't feel well, I would often find her glued to her computer screen with the little hangman looking guy highlighted all over depending on what didn't feel good. She would then inform me that she possibly had ________ (insert major, life threatening, debilitating disease here). It was more of a joke, really, but I really think she talked herself in to believing the possibility...

What I never found on webMd, however, is a disease my mother & I positively have.

It is called "Birthday party phobia".

this is real.




My mom and I suffer from this disease where, we are fearful to the point of avoidance that if we throw a party, no one will show up.

There has never, to my knowledge, been a party that either of us has thrown that no one has shown up. But the sheer possibility of this occurrence makes us never want to have a party.

Enter my wedding & showers.

I have frequently found this phobia creeping up on me in regard to these upcoming events...
Luckily, there have been no bad dreams about this possibility or we might just elope. 

But, as the invitations go out and I know a response card is pending in many-a-household around the nation, I have a fear of walking to my mailbox.


Because when I walk out to my mailbox, there just might be a little cream card with a mustard yellow embossed tree on it and on that card might have the box "______ will not be attending" checked.

I guess this is the ultimate birthday party phobia.

But I found myself in my walk-in last night with a new, slightly profound, thought.

It doesn't matter who does not show up.

Because I know that I will show up and i know that Matt will show up. And that's what the whole day is centering around anyway. It is a day where we will seal our love to one another for the remainder of the days we will be blessed with on this earth.

It also will be a day I will choose to focus on everyone who is there, rather than all those who are not. I realize that there will probably be several people who will have to miss for one reason or another and I will miss their presence dearly...but I will choose to focus on all of those whose attendance means so much to me.

Because their attendance means to me that they support the union that is taking place. I would rather have 5 people there who could not dream of me with out Matt or him with out me than 500 people who really don't know either of us and don't care.

So I guess I will still have a wedding. :) Even though this phobia persists to the point of crippling fear.

p.s. so far, out of 7 response cards, we have 100% attendance :)