prison break.

Ok so I know I love the show prison break, but this post has a certain spin on the show, itself....

and I know I am a chronic quoter but this one really has something special...

"Our belief that we should grasp tightly what we need provides one of the great sources of our suffering. But letting go of possessions and plans and people allows us to enter, for all its risks, a life of new, unexpected freedom." -henry nouwen

I wrote a post a few months ago entitled 'forgiveness' and it mentioned a certain painful event my family experienced. Though I fully believe that my heart has shifted toward the people involved in the situation, I have still been holding on to the fact that I was wronged. I have still held on to this experience as though it offered some sort of validation for me. 

Because I was the innocent victim. 

In fact, a few weeks ago the very person who started it all walked in to my store. I had to face this person face to face. And he asked me how I was doing and offered condolences over my Noni's death and inquired as to how my parents were doing. And I was shaking in my boots the entire time. Because I still think my rare sightings of him leave me a bit unnerved. But it was so interesting...

After he left, I had the strongest urge to tell everyone I was working with exactly who he was and what he did. I wanted to justify my situation. I wanted to expose him for the evil deeds he committed against me and my family. 

But instead, I chose to say nothing.

I had this serious check in my heart thinking, what good would it do for my fellow employees if they heard or knew what happened and the history between this man and myself? Why would they care? What would they think?  What good would it bring me?

Because we all have this innate desire to be justified. To be righted when we are wronged. To see the wrong doer receive the justice that their actions deserve. Which is why we love movies. Because we get to see this story unfold but most importantly we get to see the bad guys get tied up and hauled off to jail or sink to the bottom of the ocean. and we applaud.

But the irony in all of it is that, if you allow it to, this desire can very dangerously become a prison you find yourself locked up in. 

And I experienced/experience this fully. I want to hold on to the anger, bitterness, resentment I feel toward this man but at the end of the day, what good is that offering me? 

Which is why I love this quote so much. Because the paradox is that letting go is what offers you the release you seek. It allows you to stand a little taller, breathe a little deeper and live freely.