8:00

After working almost 11 hours today and having to open at 4am tomorrow morning, I will be going to bed at 8:00 tonight.

Last year, Dena came home from one of her classes buzzing about this speaker who talked in one of her classes about how crucial sleep is. He talked about how our body goes through what are called 'sleep cycles'. Our body completes a sleep cycle every hour and a half. If you wake up in the middle of a sleep cycle, you generally wake up feeling...well...like crap.

Ever since she told me this, I have been testing it out.

It works. like. a. charm.

I can wake up at 4am having gotten 6 hours of sleep (3 complete sleep cycles) and feel better than if I slept 7 hours (because you wake up in the middle of a sleep cycle at 7 hours).

I. dare. you.

Give it a try. It works.

bursting with excitement...

ok, so I just have to say that I am bursting with excitement because after weeks and weeks of going back and forth and coordinating and planning and schedules, we finally booked our engagement picture session with sessionninephotography.com. 

The photographers, Jay and Jess Williams, have been friends of my brother and sister-in-law for years and we have gotten to know them as they come over for picnics and summer afternoon barbecues and family birthday parties (they just shot for my nephew's birthday party and their Christmas card shoot  was insane). I know photographers are everywhere and there are so many talented people out there, but for some reason, Jay and Jess inspire more than any other photographer I have seen. You can almost sense their passion and love for photography through their pictures. I cannot be more thrilled and excited that they are going to shoot for us. I am so more than excited!

here is my favorite one of Hudson...

gah. so adorable.


and this one...sorry I am a proud auntie...

I can't wait to see what they come up with for us...I will keep you posted and let you know when the pics are up to view!!!

in other news, if you haven't already, go buy Sandra McCracken's cd "the builder and the architect". I just found out she is leading worship for our kern retreat in October and I'm thrilled. Her words are perfect. It has a very hymn-y feel. beautiful.

3 Happy Thoughts...

When I was a little girl, and I was having a really bad or sad day, my mom would always make me tell her three. happy. thoughts.

I hated doing this.

I just wanted to stay sad and mopey and 'whoa is me'. Yes. Even when I was like five. I have always been dramatic.

So things in my life have been a little sad and difficult lately and I could choose to get really overwhelmed and sad. But instead.

I'm going to choose three. happy. things.

1. I just sat outside at Starbucks (what I am so jealous of people for doing when I work) and had a great conversation with a great friend who is in the exact same walk of life as me right now and it is like 75 degrees and gorgeous out.

2. The fact that my school is being paid for. I often get so focused on my homework and my papers that I forget that I am only in school because of the generosity of someone else who believes in me.

3. I will be Mrs. Carley Maier in 75 short days.  
even if it seems forever away...this is a happy thought so I will focus on the fact that I'm even getting married!!!

I even feel happier after writing these things and ready to move on with my day...

Dressed in blue...

Today, I will attend my Noni's memorial service.

I have learned a few lessons this week.

1. Always tell someone you love them before you hang up or depart from them
2. Family is family forever
3. Don't blog unless you're willing to read it.

During the service today, I will be reading my "What Really Matters" post. My mom read it and insisted it be read during the service so, being the ultimate public speaker that I am, I will brave the possible impending tears, and read my blog. For Noni.

We will also be wearing blue in her memory. She loved the color and practically her whole house was devoted to blue (chairs, wall paper, blankets, china, etc.).

We are doing one incredible thing at the service that I want to share.

My Noni loved and adored ice cream. As I wrote about a few posts ago, my Noni's cupboards were not always filled with the healthiest of items, but she never hid it. When she went in for her heart surgery a few years back, she got on the good side of all of her nurses and coaxed them to give her ice cream along with every single meal. She got ice cream. Three times a day. And her last two meals she ever ate in her life. were ice cream.

So, today, we will each be taking a spoonful of ice cream at the end of her service, and toasting a spoonful of ice cream to Non.

What Really Matters.

Being around someone who is at the very end of their lifetime gives me a certain clarity on living. It shifts my thinking from what usually clouds my thoughts (clothes, wedding, materialism, my appearance, homework, etc.) to what really, actually matters.

Last night, my family was enjoying a 100% irish meal (corn beef, cabbage, & potatoes and Guinness) and my aunt was literally cutting the green frosted cake when my mom's phone rang. It was my dad. He informed my mom that my Noni (see post below), who has been in the hospital for a week or so, took a turn for the worse. Matt, my mom & I rushed out the door and headed for Mercy Gilbert Hospital.

We got there and saw my precious Noni, fighting for her every breath. For the next two hours or so, we (dad, mom, Matt, Casey, Katelyn, and I) took turns holding her hands, kissing her forehead, touching her legs, praying for her and reading her passages of scripture. We got to say all of our I love you's and goodbyes and for that, I will forever be grateful.

Today, there has been a 'parade of love' (as my mom lovingly refers to it) ushering through her room. Her sisters, kids, cousins, grandkids, friends, etc. etc. etc. have been coming and going, reminding my family of the legacy of love this woman leaves behind.

Last night, my Noni just kept repeating "I want to go home. I want to go home. I want to see Jesus." Because, for my Noni and our whole family, home is not our residence in Chandler but rather, home is in heaven, with Jesus.

Right now, at Mission Community Church, our senior pastor Mark is taking us through a series called "Amazing Grace" (please please please go listen to the podcasts if you want. Search for Mark Connelly on iTunes and download his sermon series. you will not be disappointed or go here). He is taking stories from the Bible where God showed miraculous levels of grace on undeserving people. So how come so many people think that same grace does not extend to __________ (insert specific sin here)?

I remember, when I worked for Centex Homes, I would have several conversations with my co-worker Sherry. I would invite her to come to church with me and her constant response was, "If I walked in, that place would burn to the ground. My sins are too vast and too great that I would be cast out the second I walked in the door". I feel like this is the response of so many of my non-Christian friends. Everyone is so hung up on their sins or getting their lives cleaned up before they enter through the doors of church.

But that is the exact. opposite.

Church is not about being crystal clean before you enter. Jesus calls us while we are still sinners. He died for us while we were sinners. He did not die for us, with the notion that we would have to become perfect in order to receive salvation. He does not expect that a "church be a museum for saints, but rather, a hospital for sinners" (Brennan Manning). Over the years, I think Church has become, for many people, a place of judgment and condemnation instead of a place of refuge and comfort.

Right now at church, Matt & I have the privilege of co-teaching a new believer's class called "Starting Point". This class is very much a conversation more than a lecture and Matt and I lead a table of 4 women (Denise, Sue, Vicky & Heidi).  All of these women are very very recent new-found Christians. The first Sunday, I asked each of us to go around the table and explain why they are in the class and share a little bit about their faith journey.

For the next half hour, I listened while woman after woman shared her story. I was absolutely shocked that each and every single woman had not come from a Christian home or background at all, and they had all been in and out of church attendance for years and years, but each one. kept. coming. back. to. Jesus.

Every single one of them explained how they kept searching for Jesus.

Jesus. Not Joseph Smith. Not Mohammed. Not the Dalai Lama. Not Buddha.

Jesus.

I think that is very telling of the true, longing of our hearts. There is a deep-seeded yearning for Jesus. Those of us who have found this Jesus and this faith are not still searching and at unrest. We rest in the saving knowledge of our Lord. This Jesus who sacrificed His life, so that we could live eternally.

And that's what really matters.

Noni

So I have this precious Italian Grandma who my family and I affectionately refer to as, 'Noni' (which is Italian for Grandmother). I am her only blood-related Granddaughter and she and I have always shared something special. We are similar in so many ways it is comical. I have her exact hands, knees, heels (yes that is possible), stubborn personality, and the list goes on and on.

This is us at her 84th birthday party

Well, the last year or so, Noni has not been feeling so great, and her health is fading. She has been in the hospital for the past few weeks and her kidneys have shut down completely. We have been torn between selfishly pushing to keep her alive or allowing her to get her selfish, stubborn, Italian way and go be with Jesus in heaven. Today, we decided to let Non have her way. Tomorrow, she will be going home from the hospital, to live out her remaining days with my Aunt Patty just about 1 mile away from our house. I love this woman so dearly and I cannot imagine my life with out her feisty presence.  Here are some of her finer moments and quotes:

-she never wanted to have her picture taken, and I have a classic photo of us on a family cruise with a napkin draped over her head.
-she hates old people.
-her cupboards are currently STACKED with twinkies, dove chocolate ice cream bars, ice cream sandwiches, and a lot of other not-so-healthy food.
-she loves finding the picture of the needle in the country magazine that comes to our house.
-her hearing has been fading for years so we bought her hearing aids...she refuses to wear them because, when she does, she can hear everything and she doesn't like it as much.
- she is so bossy.
-I remember always going over to her house by the lake and drinking squirt and dark cherry soda.
- She is paying $200 of my wedding dress.
- she laid in her hospital bed, crying that she did not have the strength to make it til June to see me walk down the aisle.

So, Noni...I just completely adore you. I know you are not gone yet, and I am thankful for the remaining days I have to spend with you and love you and be with you. Thanks for loving me and making me laugh. Always.

The past few days...

My life has been packed with so many exciting things the last week!

It all started off with...

Registering!

who knew I could get so passionate about china?! I didn't even think I wanted it until I saw these beautiful pieces...

Dena & Kari came in to town so I got to spend the weekend with them at the Valley Ho laying out by the pool and having a blasty...pics to come...as soon as I steal them from Dena.

Then Aaron & Amber's wedding!!! So much fun. I lived with Amber last year and we just had a blast together. Dena & I *(the three of us were roomies) got a front row seat to their dating life and got to see how much they loved and cherished one another. It was so beautiful to see Amber come down the aisle and, while I didn't have a good view of Aaron's face, I sure got to see Amber. oh. my. gosh. I could only hope to be a bit as beautiful as she was on her wedding day. She was simply glowing. And the night was magical from beginning to end.

Sunday, we watched a little of this...

(That's Matt's brother, Mitch, who plays for the Kansas City Royals) This at-bat resulted in this...

A double!!! yay mitch! :)


Today, however I turned this...

in to this...

 and got from this 'to do' list:

To this...

 

It's been a productive day and an even better week! :)
I also got my bridesmaid dresses today (the rest of them!)

Tonight...we tackle the guest list...

"That's Just the Way I Am"

My mom is amazing.

Growing up in her household was nothing short of straight Proverbs 31.

Most mornings, I would wake up and find she and my dad curled up in a blanket, reading their Bibles, sipping hot juice (she has this obsession with heating up any kind of juice you can think of).

One year, this mother of mine just happened to take on more than a mother-like role in my life and chose also to mentor me. I remember it like it was yesterday.

We would sit down, around our kitchen table with our Bibles open and read. We targeted in on 1 Corinthians 13. I was in a relationship with a boy at the time that was decently serious (for a high school relationship) and my mom wanted me to be the best possible partner I could be. So we started with 1 Corinthians 13. I remember her drawing a picture of an outline of a body and coloring in a few spots. She would continue on to explain that the spots were things about someone you don't particularly care for (moody, messy, etc...all of the things that get under your skin)

Everyone has these spots.

If we get caught up on these spots, they ruin the whole body and all of the good that person possesses.


She also would teach me about "That's Just the Way I Am".

This is a phrase I literally think about every. single. day. 

I have it written in my Bible where the phrase is circled with a scratch through the middle.

This reminds me all of the time not to settle with "the way I am." My shortcomings should not be something to fall back on or use as an excuse. Rather, they should be something I am aware of and strive to overcome.

I think a lot of people rest in "that's just the way I am" because it's easier.

It's easier than facing those spots in yourself that are more difficult to admit.

It's time to face these spots in myself.


Yesterday I had one of those conversations you never really want to have with someone. And this person was confronting some of my 'spots'.

Spots that I have hidden underneath, demanding 'that's just the way I am.'

I will be vulnerable and allow you to see some of my 'spots'

1. i never say goodbye. avoid it at all costs. I actually took a personality test my senior year of undergrad and found that part of my personality (ENFP) hates saying goodbye. I used to excuse myself because I would rather crawl out underneath the door than give a formal goodbye. But one friend informed me that I am being rude by doing so, and not allowing others who may actually want to say goodbye to me the ability to do so.

2. I am the least confrontational person in the world. I avoid confrontation even more than I avoid goodbyes. I literally freeze up. Literally.

3. I guess I can get pretty defensive and I do not really take criticism all that well. I try to accept it, but usually end up in tears.



That being said, the person who confronted me (and knew all of these spots about me) almost did not do so because they wanted to avoid a possible mud-slinging contest.

So I had to chin up. put on my big girl pants. and face the music.

I had to take a deep breath, realize that they were coming to me from a place of deep love and view it from that reality...which is exactly what they were trying to do.

So thank you. you know who you are. I really can't thank you enough for loving me enough to confront me and refuse to let me be 'just the way I am'.

I can't wait...

to eat again. to read a book for pleasure. to be married to my best friend. to go on trips with just matt & me...no parents! to stock my own pantry full of foods and ingredients that i will make for my husband. to be done with my master's. to look at my wedding pictures thousands of times. to see dena & kari next week. to watch amber walk down the aisle. to be an auntie to little avalynne (due in july!) <-- Mitch & Karrie's...to become more rooted in our church and make better friends there. to splash around in the pool this summer. to wake up June 13th. to see what life after grad school holds. to never make another cup of coffee. to waddle around all pregnant (this one will be far, far off!). to run a marathon. to see what happens on the final episode of lost. to never make the drive to california again (well, for vacations...but not for class every week). to get a new email address with my new last name. to go see the kern family for the first time up in wisconsin and thank them for paying for my education for the last three years. to see where matt is taking me for our honeymoon (it's a surprise). to see all of our friends and family come together from all walks of life in order to celebrate our marriage...which reminds me...

I can't wait to be Mrs. Carley Maier

I love...

1. pumpkin scones from starbucks.
2. christian book stores.
3. singing in the car.
4. traveling alone.
5. my wedding dress.
6. roller coasters.
7. my orange ipod.
8. the movie newsies.
9. the future that is unkown.
10. love.
11. moleskines.

THE dress....

Tuesday, armed with my mom, future mother-in-law, sister-in-law (& Hudson, who was very helpful and SOOOO great waiting and playing with his puzzles Noni gave him to bribe him in to silence :), and future sister-in-law, I tackled my first ever wedding appointment.

The. Wedding. Dress.

I wanted to find THE dress...As an avid watcher of Say Yes To the Dress, I know how difficult and arduous this can be. I have seen hundreds of brides go to Kleinfield (aka the world's largest wedding dress store) and leave empty handed. This left me a little nervous. I also had zero clue of what I wanted. Straps? Sleeves? Sweetheart? A-Line? Fit-N-Flare (whatever that is)? and the list of specifications just goes on.
and on.
and on.
and on.

Thankfully, I brought experts along with me to help me decide. 

As we were walking down the racks and racks of dresses, it struck me: I had never thought of what color wedding dress I wanted. I always pictured myself in white. Not only because of the symbolism white brings but more importantly because I happen to look great in white. If you have never gone wedding dress shopping before, I'm sure you are thinking...there are 2 possible colors: white. or ivory. Right?


you are wrong my friend.


There is white. true white. off white. ivory. custard. OH. MY. GOSH.

I never thought I would arrive at a conclusion...



So I get in all of the undergarments necessary for trying on wedding dresses & dive (literally) in to the world of dresses for the next hour or so. 

The first dress, a true white (very very white), strapless, sweetheart necked, gathered waisted, satin gown. Pretty. Not Carley. 

Second up: A gorgeous gorgeous off white (not ivory) strapless gown, straight across, gathered on the side with a little jewely guy and it tapered off, layer by layer of a tool-ish material. very pretty. a definite runner up. (Karrie picked this one out)

Third up: An even more gorgeous ivory strapless dress. knocked the previously first place dress down confidently to second place. but it was a very empire waisted dress, that made me look a little too bit squatty. but I still loved it. First place. For sure. 

Fourth up:  A hilarious ivory/custard colored satin dress that had off-the-shoulder straps that were in a fashion that made me look like I might be wearing a shawl? but we're not sure. strike one.

Fifth up: A very pretty twisted strapped, plunging neckline (i mean the ladies were OUT...haha) satin dress that was empire wasted and very beautiful. Fear not. I would have put material so the girls were not that visible. 

Then...

Katelyn pointed out a dress that was on a mannequin  in front of the dressing room that I had overlooked. She requested I try it on. 

And I did...


and I purchased it.

and you will just have to have patience and wait. and see..... 


For now, here is a picture of the gang I love oh-so-much, and could not have done this without

 I'm not quite sure what Hudson is saying in this picture, but I am almost positive this was when we had him saying my dress was "beautiful" :) ...which it is...