Let's Talk About Sex, Baby

Ok. So, with a marriage pending in 22 days, I sure do get questioned about "how excited are you to have sex", "what is the thing you most look forward to in being married...besides sex", ""you have to text me the next morning and let me know how it goes!", and the list goes on and on and on.

My girls even took me out for drinks after seminary class to have the talk (bahaha the thought alone of not only going from 14 hours of Bible class to drinks is funny...but add sex talk in there and it's enough to send any student from our program to an early grave, I'm sure).

It's part of pre-marital counseling.

You have a shower in order to prepare you with lingerie and such, just because of sex.


So i'm thinking it's pretty important...

Because sex is crucial to any marriage.

One of my dear friends got married in March and she told me that during their premarital counseling, their counselor told them to have a jar by their bed where they put a penny in every time they have sex during their first year. After the first year, you get a second jar and take the pennies from the first year jar and put them in the second jar to see how many pennies you have left. The goal: to have none left. You can do this for every year of marriage so the sex does not run dry.

I told this idea to Matt and I think we are going to implement this in to our marriage.

I get squirmy talking about this topic because sex, in the Christian world, is hush hush. It's not really talked about. It is a taboo topic that makes people's faces blush. I bet you half of your faces have already blushed from simply reading the title of this post...

so our alternative?

We only get exposed to sex in magazines, movies, tv shows, song lyrics, etc.

What kind of a way is this to be introduced to or aware of the sex topic? That is the most unhealthy setting for all of us to talk about or learn about sex.

In 22 days, a whole new world will open up to me that I have never known before. I will come to love Matt in a way that I have never loved him before. I will love him more than I have ever loved him before (although I cannot even imagine loving him more....but I know I will). And I was reading a blog from a woman (that actually spun in to reading several blogs about several women) who never tells her husband "no" when he initiates sex, and vice versa. She went on and dared every woman to not say "no" to their husband for one week.

That got me thinking...

There have already been so many times in our dating relationship when I have simply said "no" to the silly act of making out. And it got me thinking of how I would feel if I tried to initiate making out with Matt (which he has never said no to...) and he said "no". I would feel pretty upset or let down or self conscious or vulnerable. Which I have no idea if that is what a man thinks when he is shut down or not...but I would never want to make the man I love feel like that.

I continued on to read so many more of the comments women left of these blog posts. They were astounding. So many women confessed that their husbands simply do not even ask anymore because they shut them down so many times in the past...or women who have adopted the concept admitting how healthy and great their sex life is.

My friend, Kaylyn, also has told me a bit of advice she received from her premarital counseling that I think is exquisite: never withhold sex as a punishment. In other words, when you are angry...do not withhold sex from your partner. I think this is such a powerful idea. And one that I'm sure I will have to keep in the forefront of my mind for years to come.


I know I have referenced this sermon one time previously on my blog, but I will do so again because it fits perfectly in to this topic of conversation. The sermon is entitled 2Drink and you can listen to it here . One of my friends listened to it the last time I posted and she absolutely loved it. So light a candle with your spouse, listen and enjoy.