megan & michael sitting in a tree...!

This is Megan.

Megan is my friend.

This is Michael.

on the left...

he is also my friend.

Well a few weeks ago, these friends of mine got engaged.

and I am so happy for them.

Megan is just so excited to get married and keeps texting me all sorts of fun wedding questions, being that I just went through the process (& I feel so flattered and unworthy to answer all of her questions) so i figured it would be far better for me to simply blog it out...so megan, here are my best shots at advice for you (and any other bride hopeful who might be reading :) )...

• Choose a photographer you know - I feel so blessed and fortunate to have the most talented photographers at sessionninephotography capture our very best day. However, I unfortunately know too many friends who invited a photographer to participate in their most special day and pay them only for them to peace out along with their photos and money. So ask for testimonials and phone numbers of people whose weddings they have shot that would vouch for them
• Have someone, anyone, a videographer, your uncle, videotape your wedding - This was something I praise God my sweet husband was very stubborn about. I know videographers can be so costly and I did not want to burden my parents with the bill of a videographer. But luckily, Matt knew someone who would come shoot our wedding at no cost to us until we have money to pay for it. And I want to look at our video every 4 minutes. Because in the height of emotions and excitement, I regret to say I can hardly remember a second of our ceremony. 
• Have a first look, just the two of you - I, personally, do not fall under the age-old-tradition of the bride seeing her husband while she walks down the aisle. Matt & I had a special moment, just the two of us and our photographer, to see each other. We were forced to do so because our ceremony was at sunset so if we had not seen each other, we would have no sunny pictures of the two of us on our wedding day. Plus, it felt so intimate to have a few moments alone before the hustle & bustle of wedding day set in. It was such a special time for us to connect and snap a few photos. I know so many brides who would fight me on this, but again...this is my time to give my advice :) ...so there...
• look in to his eyes, and his eyes alone when you walk down the aisle - I remember walking down that aisle and I will for the rest of my life. Because my eyes found Matt's as soon as I stepped out of that car, and they did not leave him until we faced the crowd to walk back out of the ceremony together. I have seen so many weddings where the couple's eyes are on everyone but one another. And it makes me want to yell, "cut!" and run up on stage and re-position the couple and start over again. 
• Get pre-marital counseling - I know you already probably will, but I could not more strongly recommend pre-marital counseling. It brought up so much stuff for us to talk about and we still talk about it to this day. 
• Let the guys wear suits - Our groomsmen wore suits and they all thanked us for the amount of money it saved them. Or it gave them an excuse to invest in a suit they would have forever.
• Do not give in to sexual temptation before your wedding night - Matt & I set very strict boundaries that we did not cross. And I cannot tell you how thankful I am that we did so. So often when I look at him now, I am so thankful that what we share is a result of our marriage ceremony and we did not fail prior to it. It is so worth the wait. Every second of it.
• wear your lingerie - as you know, I just wore the lingerie you got for me for the first time on Sunday. that is messed up! I have done a horrible job of wearing all the beautiful pieces that people bought for me or I found for myself. This is as much a challenge for myself as it is for you! I thought before I got married that I would always wear it but everyone told me I wouldn't: unfortunately they were right. 
• Ask your married friends to be real with you - I feel as though I entered married life with rose-colored glasses. All I heard from everyone was how, "marriage was the best decision other than asking Christ to be my Savior that I ever made", "You will just love it", etc. etc. etc. love. love. love. gush. gush. gush. But when we actually got married and I would confess hardships in our marriage, all these same married friends would be like, "oh my gosh I know! that was hard for us too!" and I wanted to say well where was THAT three months ago!? So get real live stories of real life marriage from people...and not only the lovey gushy gory details. :) 
• Do not memorize your vows - if you choose to write your own vows, do not attempt to memorize them. This was passed on to me by both friends and pastors. If you try to memorize them, you will get so focused on remembering them that they will overtake your entire ceremony. If you choose to write your own, simply print them on pretty paper and have the pastor hand them to you. Or simply repeat the age old vows that so many who have gone before you have done...
• Buy two pair of your pretty wedding underwear - (submitted by Kaylyn Unterkofler) Make sure you have an extra pair of your pretty underwear because, let's be honest, you're under layers of heavy, not breathy wedding dress. You're gonna dance the night away. You're gonna get sweaty. Before you do the deed, make sure to change undies...or...
• Take a bath when you get to your hotel room - Matt & I took a bath first. This helped me, personally, immensely. Because I was clean and relaxed when we got out. And that, for me, made all the difference. It allowed us to slow down. Romance each other in the tub. And drink a glass of champagne and relax. And pray. And then he got out, and I stayed behind and got dressed... :) 
• Don't schedule your honeymoon or your gift opening or anything early the next morning - We slept in until noon the next morning. Or at least we stayed in bed. And it was so lovely knowing we had nowhere to be and could just sleep and bask in one another. I know so many people who have to be up at like 5am the next morning to catch a flight & it seems like such a drag! Because then you lose a few days of your honeymoon trying to catch up on sleep! In fact, we waited a week after our wedding to leave for our honeymoon. I loved it because, as a virginal bride, I was so sore! For the solid week after (yes, I'm being brutally honest) I wanted to cry. So by the honeymoon, I was at least a bit more comfortable. 
• Only put yourself in charge of enjoying your day, come D-day - (submitted by Jessica Charney) In other words, you should have no other job on your wedding day other than fully experiencing and enjoying every emotion. Don't let anyone come to you with any problems, hiccups, etc. Designate someone else to that task. That's what family is for. You just enjoy. It only happens one day. 

So, anyways, my dear friend, I hope these help! I'm sure I will think of several more along the way! Congratulations. I could not be more happy for you two. <3

stan and the venti coffee man...

this week there have been two separate, unrelated incidents that have restored my faith in humanity...I mean it's not like my faith was in shambles, but it is always nice to have it strengthened!

stan

This week, as I drove to California for my first of many trips, I felt as though my car was swerving a bit more than it should. But the road had been newly paved and I assumed it hadn't been properly pounded down by the huge steam roller thing. I approached Quartzite (and drove through it in a flash because it is approximately 2 exits) and kept ignoring my swerving car...until I passed the last exit and was about a half mile out of town and my tire popped. Luckily, I had been scared enough by my swerviness that I hadn't been driving that fast and it wasn't too traumatic (let's be honest Matt, my mom and my dad would beg to differ as it took me three minutes through sobbing tears to explain that I had not been in a fiery car crash but was on the side of the road with a flat...my first flat ever). 

After what seemed like a lifetime of waiting on the side of the road having no idea what to do, and while on the phone with a husband who was basically unable to come to my rescue, I heard a tiny horn honk. I looked behind me and saw a disheveled man with one button on his shirt properly buttoned and dirty feet and approximately five teeth in his mouth and a duct taped on windshield walking toward my car. My wave of sobs was so intense that he informed me to take a breath because, in his words, "I was actually scaring him!"

I quickly learned that this man's name was stan, that he had a tire blow out on him the week before, that he always kept a cooler with ice water in his trunk, that he ate sour patch kids, that his father had just passed away and he was on his way visit his widowed mother in Indio. 

He was so kind as to take me to a tire store, wait for two hours with me while the tire store took their sweet time to switch my rim from one tire to the next because the man in front of us complained about how long it was taking so, naturally, that translated to 'take longer please' and he took me back to my car and changed my tire. 

No kidnapping. No funny business. Just a passerby who was willing to help a stranded driver.

doug, i think

So I just moved to a new store and am still learning the customer's names and drinks but I am pretty sure this man's name is Doug. Doug, I think, works from home (or Starbucks) and sits at our store for hours while doing his work and ordering refills on coffee...which is fine with me because he actually abides by our refill policy and doesn't bring in a six-day-old-crusty-cup-with-red-lip-stick-on-the-rim-claiming-that-it-was-his...yes, your local baristas have seen pretty much every attempt at penny pinching. 

But Doug is different. Last week, as is custom for many days, Doug ordered his coffee and sat. A few hours and a few refills later, Doug was packed up for the day and ready to leave...but not with out one last cup of joe. He came up to the counter and asked for one more venti coffee. I informed the barista at the register, who had just clocked on for the day, that she should only charge him for a refill because he had previously ordered a beverage. 

This is where it gets good....

Without blinking an eye, he said, "no, no, no...I need to pay full price for this one. This is for my wife, not for me so I need to be charged." 

Shocking? I thought so...because it reminded me that there are still people with integrity in this world, driving the roads and ordering coffee.

3 months...

Well yesterday, Matt & I celebrated *(ok we really didn't do anything, but we said happy anniversary!) three months of marriage. This three month journey has really seemed like so much longer than three measly little months. We have been through far more in three short months, ninety-some-odd days, than I anticipated, and here is what I have learned:

• I really love to cook. Prior to this, I knew I liked to bake, but cooking was a realm I never really conquered before. And I love it. :) Not only do I love it, but I am good at it!
• Marriage is hard! I went in to marriage with every preconceived ideal that anyone could ever have and it hurt me. Because marriage is work! It is the very best kind of work, but it is hard! 
• Marriage is the most intense act of selflessness I have ever engaged in. I'm sure having a child will bring me to another whole level but for now, this step in marriage has been huge! I am not trying to toot my own horn by explaining all of the ways I have served Matt, but it is definitely a huge act of putting him first, in every situation and I have learned the hard way in some situations, but I am so much better for it. 
• There is no I in team. corny. true. believe it.
• Waiting to have sex until marriage, for me, was totally and completely worth it. At work, a few of my Christian unmarried friends have recently asked me if I am glad I waited til marriage and the answer is o.m.g. yes. Before June 12, I always secretly wondered if I would wake up June 13 and regret waiting. nope. To go along with that, sex is vital to the well-being of a relationship. I will be vulnerable *(as I usually always am on my blog) and share that there have been a few days where we have not been intimate and I can always tell in our attitudes toward one another.

If you are married, stop reading this and go have sex with your husband. 

• Oh, and another thing...another single friend of mine who is remaining a virgin until marriage asked me last week if, on our wedding night, I felt guilty for the sexual acts I engaged in (and this was a question I asked my married friends & had great concern about) and the answer? not. at. all. Being able to see his wedding ring on his finger and seeing mine and flashing back to moments of our marriage ceremony helped me but there were no feelings of guilt and I felt God was blessing our marriage bed. Anyways, enough of that...

• Weekly dates are so vital.
• I am not a morning person. 
• Now that I am in my own apartment, I really like/need to keep things super clean. Growing up, my mom always freaked out on me when clothes were on the floor or my bathroom wasn't clean. Now I get it. It drives me nuts. I love waking up in the morning to a tidy house with no dishes in the sink and I love crawling in to bed having to fold back the covers and take off the decorative pillows.
• I have to beat my body in to submission, as 1 Corinthians 9 says. Generally, I want to lay on the couch rather than doing that extra load of laundry, going to the gym, etc. etc. etc. and I can't tell you how many times a day I quote this verse: No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize. (1 Cor. 9:12)
• I do NOT do finances. and I am SO thankful that my husband does. Praise Jesus for a husband who checks our bank accounts twelve times a day. 
• I am stronger than I think I am. The past week, I have dealt with a dead car battery and a blown out tire on the highway on the way to california. And I'm still alive. Thus, I am stronger than I think I am. 
• Pre-Marital counseling is SO worth it. Take the time, energy and effort, if you are not married, and go see a regular counselor. Sets you up for success. Matt & I didn't do as much as I wished we had but it is a jewel.
• Some days, I have to CHOOSE to love Matt. Love is a choice. So cliche, I know. But seriously, so true.

Anyways, these are just a few of the things I have learned on my short journey thus far. If you are single, live up your single life! love it! embrace it! because it is such a gift! I am so fond of my single years with roommates and girls nights and all the beauty that comes along with it...

arch enemy: splenda

ok, my dear friends...many of you may already know (or have read my facebook status) that I hate-hate-hate-loathe-loathe-loathe:

splenda

I know I am immediately creating enemies with approximately 98% of women in the world who swear by faux sugar substitutes, but I am ok with that as long as I can scare just a few out of dumping the little yellow packet down the garbage rather than in your bevvies.

A few years ago, we had a regular customer who would order her usual beverage at the bux (which consisted of about 8 splenda) a few times a day. However, one day she came in and stopped us from going about making her usual drink. She informed us she had just come from the doctor's office due to severe stomach pains. After a few routine tests, her doctor concluded that she had holes in her stomach lining. His first question? 

do you drink splenda?

He warned her never to drink splenda again because he sees cases like this every day. 

Naturally, I told everyone I knew to stop drinking splenda. but then the warning wore off and I sort of would bring it up in conversations here and there (i.e. when one of my partners would drink it, I would warn them against it). 

Until last night...another customer struck again! He came in and had to switch up his regular drink because he had just come from the doctor's office and was told he had holes in HIS stomach lining due to splenda! 

The moral of this story? STOP DRINKING SPLENDA!!!!!

lately...

- I went to the gym for the first time since Maier...yikes! I am out of shape!

- We bought a mattress pad for our bed and it made it like six thousand times more comfortable! Ex: On Sunday night, Matt's closet rod fell down, collapsing all of his clothes on the ground and neither of us woke up.

- I ate the best peach of my life this week. It seriously was almost too juicy to handle.

- I bought a new dress for our kern luncheon (I'm a senior so I had to find something special:) )

- I moved stores so now I am trying to re-adjust to a drive thru store and new partners...putting on a happy face

- In an effort to prepare ourselves for Office Season 6 release September 7, we have been watching all the offices in order: currently on Season 3 disc 4...

- I have been sulking a lot less :) 

- I got all of my school books in! They look really interesting...and thick....

- I am obsessed with Project Runway. I realize I hopped on this train a few years late...but I can't get enough!

- I realize how annoyed I get when girls over the age of 5 where pigtails. 

- I am realizing that summer is dwindling down...and I couldn't be happier about it...I can't wait to get back in to the classroom and study and write papers and take midterms and stress out :) 

- I love watching What Not To Wear and watching the women (and sometimes men!) gain confidence in themselves

- um countdown to wedding pictures: 10 days! I feel like I forgot that this exciting day was coming! I have been looking at our engagement photos a lot lately and it's getting me so excited to see wedding day ones! ah! I know they will TOTALLY be worth the wait!

- I bought the cutest little short suede boots at ROSS the other day! They are slouchy and SO adorable and they were $16! yes please. 

- Now I have to go watch my husband coach his soccer boys in their first game of the season! Go Tigers!

wait...

I listened to a sermon this summer called "Freedom From The Fear of Man", by JR Vassar (sermon from Feb. 28 if you feel like listening to it) and it has sort of become my theme.

The sermon, as hinted by its title, touches on the topic of fearing man more than we fear God. The pastor mentioned that our culture has become so infatuated with what we think of one another that we have allowed that to trump our fear for God.

I was so convicted by this sermon.

Because I definitely fear man more than I fear God. In fact, I think we would be hard pressed to find a woman who doesn't.

Because we fear one another so much, we:

• diet
• shop
• exercise
• put on make-up
• criticize ourselves way too much
• love ourselves way too little

Another key theme to my summer has been the word, "wait". I mean literally it is almost humorous how many times this stinkin word has come up during my quiet times in my scripture reading or my books I am reading. For example, today I read: Psalm 27:14: "wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!" As I typed that verse, the song I am listening to said, "I just want to wait on you God". See what I mean? This is only the tip of the iceberg...

The reason I think this word is ringing so true is because I have been fighting an inner battle this summer feeling as though I should have that dream job that all people in my life seem to be landing these days. So many of my friends and family are finally working in their desired field and I am...making coffee....still...after six and a half years...

so my inner self has been fighting and pressuring myself to try to find that perfect job for me.

But I am doing it because I have this fear for man that when they ask me what I do and I tell them I still make coffee, I feel as though they are judging me. I am not wanting that perfect job because that is truly what I feel God wants for me right now. Because God is obviously telling me to

wait.

So, I am finally throwing up my hands in surrender. And it has been so beautiful since I have done so. I feel so fulfilled and feel as though I am right where God wants me to be. The pressure is off. And I am simply resting in God and His plan for my life.

truth or dare...

remember that childhood game?

I always hated it. Well, actually I didn't mind the truth part but I always always always hated the dare part. Because it always required me to perform some ridiculous, embarrassing task that I never wanted to do and usually got out of...so I always chose truth...

and I choose it again today...

When Matt & I got engaged, everyone we talked to immediately proclaimed, "You guys will LOVE being married!" All we heard for 3 months was every phenomenal, wonderful, warm, fuzzy thing about marriage. And I went in to it with the prideful mentality of thinking that everyone else's marital problems would never happen to us because our dating life was pretty un-hindered from fighting or problems...I just assumed it would continue in to marriage with dancing, kissing, sex (finally!), cooking, happy happy happy....

And it has been all of those things at one moment or another. 

But people failed to mention the reality of marriage...

Because Matt & I never lived together before we were married the past few months have been a decent adjustment. So far, I have learned:

• boys have a LOT of laundry
• Matt LOVES to sit on the bed in the morning and put on his socks and shoes (while I am trying to sleep and the bed is shaking as if we were in an earthquake)
• He also loves to lift up my sleep mask (yes, I wear and love sleep masks) to ask me if his socks match and his outfit looks ok
• he cannot sleep with a fan on...dena...you understand the severity of this problem....
• he leaves dirty dishes outside the sink on the counter next to it...hmmm...not in it, not in the dishwasher, but outside the sink all together 

So yeah, needless to say, it's been an adjustment...

My love, Sarah, who is engaged, came over for dinner the other night  and asked me all about married life. and I gave her the honest, raw truth...to which she responded "thank you so much. I need to hear this stuff. because we keep hearing all of the romantic sides of it but I need to hear the truth."


And unfortunately, my longesttimebestestfriendandbridesman, Lee, asked the simple question to me last week, "how's married life" to which I responded with a fifteen minute cry session that was probably way more than he was prepared to hear to that simple question. But I chose truth. I don't want mislead those who are closest to me in my life with this prideful illusion that we are swirling around in the clouds of blissfulness all the time...and his response was the most comforting thing I could have ever imagined...he said, "Carley, every one of my friends who has gotten married in the past year have all told me the exact same thing."

ahhh...I don't feel so screwed up....


The most amazing thing about being married, so far, is that it has driven me closer to Jesus. I mean closer than I have ever been before. And Jesus has become so real and personal to me in such an intimate way.

Last week, in particular, I was having a really rough time. Because my parents moved and matt is in his new, dream job (which takes him away from me for longer than I would like) and I was just having a pity party...and I came to my favorite coffee shop (where I am right now) to read scripture and my favorite devotional, "Streams in the Desert" (by L.B. Cowman) and I just felt God's arms envelope me. Every word I read for the next two hours was straight from God's mouth to my heart. It was such a sweet salve on my wounds and hurts and heartaches.

I am reading this book, Sacred Marriage (by Gary Thomas) which I have blogged about in previous posts, and it is just changing my whole world. It is forcing me to realize that the number one goal in every Christian's life is to glorify God. The same is true in a marriage relationship. It is not to glorify each other or make each other as happy as possible...and I think that was what Matt & I were trying to do for one another. We were trying everything in our power, to make each other happy. But we were not trying to glorify God above that.

The reason this is so groundbreaking is because this mindset forces me to place myself last. always.
Because if I am truly living out the Gospel in my every day life, than I am first and foremost dieing to myself every single day. I am putting my own agenda, happiness and desires aside in order to enable God's to reign in my life and in my marriage. Obviously, Gary says it all a lot more eloquently and beautifully than me so quit reading my blog and read his book!

Anyways, all of this to say we are figuring this thing out. And, at the end of the day I hope and pray to bring glory and honor to Jesus. And the truth is I am madly in love with my husband and so excited to be on this journey with him by my side (dirty dishes and all). 

P.S. here are a list of things I do that probably bug him

• my hair is all over the bathroom. I constantly paper towel our floor but I really do lose hair at a miraculous rate...it's amazing there is any left on my head
• I leave my wet towel on the bed after I shower sometimes
• I make him walk me out to my car before I open at 3:45am because I am scared I will get nabbed
• I still sleep with a teddy bear on the other side of me...and that is the real truth...I just got so used to tucking it under my arm and no husband can replace that little soft cushy bear...