Philosophy of Ministry.

Four years ago, I was working at my local Starbucks in Glendora, California. It was a typical morning of mocha-making when one particular customer came in.

I had recently learned that I was admitted to the Haggard Graduate School of Theology at APU, and she was wearing an APU polo so it immediately sparked conversation. She informed me that she was on her way to her oral defense for her philosophy of ministry paper. I immediately responded that I hoped I never had to arrive at that same fate to which she question what program I hoped to enter. I told her I wanted to get my Master's of Divinity. She told me she was receiving the same degree and that anyone hoping to obtain an MDiv would not be able to escape an oral defense.

Fast forward four years.

I sit here, at Starbucks beginning to write my Philosophy of Ministry paper. Through the years of knowing this paper is impending, I have gone through so many waves of emotion it is nearly comical. I have been scared. excited. nervous. confident. want to cry. intrigued. hopeful.

But now, as I sit here, I realize that I am so nervous, not because I do not think I am capable of producing something great, because I know how to write a paper. I just want to be proud of my work. I want to enter that room and look my professors in the eyes, knowing that I put my blood, sweat and tears in to this paper and know it backwards and forwards.

And it all comes down to my bloody lack of self confidence. Because the men and women who will be reading this paper have degrees and intelligence that I could only dream of and I just want them to deem me worthy enough of earning my degree. But then I have to check myself. Because I am not writing this paper to satisfy their list of expectations. I am writing it because I want to map out my desired path of ministry for my life.

And I know I am called to this.

So please, if you are a praying person. I beg and covet your prayers. Pray for clarity of mind. Pray for peace. Pray that, as I study Micah 6 (my chosen passage), God will open my eyes.

I promise to keep you posted on my progress, and I may even post some of my paper for you all to read...

Thank you, in advance.