24 hours later...

Ok friends. another update. I know. No posts in like a month and now 2 within 24 hours. But what can I say?

I am listening to this song (shocker) called "You are More" by Hillsong and it is blowing my mind:

On the Day I called, you answered me. 
And the hope in my soul increased.
I lift my hands and turn my eyes 
to the God who heals my heart 
and gives me peace.
You are more than my words could ever say
You are Lord over all, over all my days.
I will see this season through, 
I will fix my eyes on you, 
only You, only You


Ok so that's just part of the song and this song is just pulling me through right now.
I am sitting in my favorite place, can you guess? the Coffeeshop. This is my sanctuary. I know I've said that before but, I'm sorry, every time I come here, the Lord just meets me and blows my mind.
And when I sat down an hour ago my heart was heavy again. I hadn't yet opened my Bible today and, even though I listened to a sermon and some great songs while I was running this morning, I didn't feel like I had spent quality time with God yet and I was so thirsty to do so. So I turned on my favorite playlist and then remembered I just bought this new Hillsong album. And that's when this song blew my mind.
Because yesterday and even sometimes today, I did not want to fix my eyes on Jesus or see this season through. But I read a friend's facebook status this morning that challenged my thinking so much. It said:

"My goal is God Himself...At any cost, dear Lord, by any road." -Oswald Chambers.

And that thought kicked me in the butt. Because can I say that, even through this season? That in hardship and struggle and pain and hurt and brokenness that God is my goal and not happiness, contentment, joy? And what's more is that "any cost" could cost me my comfort and my contentment and my joy. Does that make sense? because it's blowing my mind.
I think last week I would have read that quote and thought, "YAH! AMEN, GOD YOU ARE MY GOAL!" but this week, when I have hit probably my lowest of low seasons in my life if I can say that quote at the end of the day in the midst of this pain, then praise God.
Friends, I know this trial in my life probably does not compare to some of the things you are going through or have gone through but I hope and pray that whatever season you are going through, you can proclaim that God is your ultimate goal. Over anything. I promise it's worth it.

I'm beginning to love this season. And three days ago I didn't think that would ever happen.