Seasons.

Ok so it is getting hotter out (supposed to be freaking 97 degrees tomorrow :( ) and getting sunny earlier and staying bright longer. AKA, the season is changing.

I always look forward to the change of seasons (even though Arizonans only experience hot and hotter) because after a whole three months of jackets, coats, boots, and scarves I kinda look forward to bbq's and swimming and warm summer nights. And then after three months of that I cannot wait to get my boots back on and have it be dark at 5:30 at night.

And even though we are in the midst of a changing season right now, I want to focus more on seasons in life.

I remember being little, looking at my older cousins and wishing I was older.

And then wishing when I was in junior high that I was able to drive.

And then wishing I could have a drink when all of my friends were and I was only 18.

And then wishing I was married when I was still single and all my friends were getting married...



And now I am married. And it is literally so worth all the times I wished this upon myself.

But I still find myself wishing.

I wish I were done with grad school.

I wish grad school would last longer.

I wish I had a full-time job in a church.

I wish I had children like so many of our church friends do...

And I finally had to stop and realize....I am in a season. And if I do not stop to enjoy this season, I am going to miss it...I realized this as I was skyping my old roommate, Dena.  I remember when I was living with her, I was so excited to get married...not because I didn't love living with Dena because, let's be honest...we had some crazy fun times!!!! But I just wanted to be married! And when we were skyping I started crying because I realized how much I missed her and missed being crazy and running to taco bell and then yoga and trying to do handstands against the wall or jumping jacks during commercial breaks...and then I remember when I tried to make mojitos and learned the hard way that shaking hot water in a martini shaker without adding ice first will land you in a massively sticky juicy mess. But I hope and pray that I did not miss the thrill of singleness because I just wanted to be married.

And the same is true for almost every season of my life. So rather than wish beyond anything that I could be in a different season, I am going to try to enjoy every second of the current season I'm in.

And I encourage you to do the same. If you are a reader who finds yourself single....call up your girlfriends and have crazy fun doing whatever it is that you do! and enjoy every single second of it! Because it won't last forever. Believe me. I remember balling to my mom swearing that I would never get married!!!! and that worrying got me nowhere...but it probably did steal and rob a few nights that had the potential of holding great joy and happiness.

And if you are a reader who wishes you could have children but God has not yet blessed your womb...go on a date with your husband and stay out extra late or run around your house naked just because you can! or take an impromptu overnight vacation that you will never be able to do when God blesses your family with children...

and...well...you get my point...I hope...

I hope that you will learn from my mistakes, earlier than I learned from my own to simply enjoy the thrill of whatever season you are in...because no matter what season you are in...there is beauty in it. you might just have to look a little harder to find it sometimes...but I promise you it is there.

enjoy.

If any of you know me you know my ridiculous guilty pleasure (ok so maybe one of many) is Toddler's & Tiaras. This was on Jimmy Kimmel and you will DIE if you are a regular T&T viewer.

Courtesy of Ashley Costabile :)

I love...

1. water. seriously. so delish.

2. the civil wars.

3. that i'm almost done with my last paper of my Master's!

4. that Session Nine Photography entered our wedding in to a wedding blog and it got featured! So funny.

5. darling spuds. specifically the sour cream with a hint of chili. you should be able to find them at your local Starbucks establishment.

6. running. I am on a two-day streak (*yes, I will celebrate 2 days...because they are 2 days that should be celebrated) of running outside after years and years of strictly running on treadmills and I love it! It is so gorgeous outside that I have to take advantage.

7. With all this running, I have to mention the sports bra above all sports bras. I usually run wearing at least two sports bras (tragic) because running hurts! Alas, I have found the king/queen of all sports bras. lululemon, although it's rather pricey, allows me to run with the comfort of ONE bra! woohoo! usually their website has a "we made too much" category of clearance items but it is unfortunately under renovation right now so make sure to check back or go to a lululemon near you!

8. this mug.

9. max keller block

10. rollercoasters

11. I love me.

The king is enthralled by your beauty...

Ok, so I spoke on Sunday morning (which was so much fun!) about taking off our masks by including God's story in our story. But I realized that I never shared with you all what masks are or what my mask is...

You know.

That thing you wake up and put on in the morning so no one has a chance to see the bare naked you.

For some of us, the mask is humor, make up, girlfriends, boyfriends, sarcasm, clothes, and the list goes on and on.

Masks are anything we use to cover up our true identities. Anything that, when stripped off, we become vulnerable. exposed. petrified.

Because our masks are comfortable. We love them. We depend on them.

Our masks become our shield.

And when you think about shields, shields are meant for two things.

First, they are meant to protect. And, for me, I realized early on that one of my main masks was, indeed, make-up. So, for arguments sake, I am going to use this example. My make-up was a shield that protected me. I knew that make-up made me feel a certain way. I felt pretty. I knew how to apply it, had the right tools, felt comfortable. It protected me.


But shields are also used to hide behind. Now, in battle, that is a good thing. But, for me, I was hiding my true self behind make-up. And I didn't realize it until it was stripped from me. My junior year in college, I attended a chapel that challenged us to participate in the Lenten season and either fast from something or begin a new habit (i.e. quiet times, prayer, solitude, etc.). For a few days, I prayed wondering what I should focus on for 40 days. It became clear to me that the thing that would make me least comfortable would definitely be to pack up my make-up bag for 40 whole days. The thought alone scared me. Shook me.


Several thoughts ran through my head during that season:

Day 1: This isn't so hard. I could get used to this. 

Day 1 (a little later): Oh my gosh every other girl in this class is wearing make up right now and all of the boys probably think they are all so much prettier than me. Can these boys actually see my soul? (and I know that last line sounds dramatic, but that is literally how bare naked I felt)

Day 1 (even later): wait what if I get a zit? Can I wear cover-up? AH. I did not think of this. Maybe I won't make it. But if I don't make it, the people I told in order to keep me accountable would definitely know. I can do this. I can make it.

By day 20 or so, my thoughts started turning much more toward something like this:

Day 20ish: I am beautiful. I don't think I ever thought this when I spent 20 minutes in the morning putting make-up on.

Day 21ish: I don't think I will ever wear make-up again. 

Since that day, so long ago, I have gone back to wearing make-up (and am actually considering fasting from make up again for lent...which is rapidly approaching!...March 9th, people!). But I can tell you that the things I learned about myself were far more than I set out to learn.

I learned the value that I place on physical beauty over all else. And I learned how dangerous that mentality of thinking was. It acted like a poison to me. I learned that, what i meant to protect me, ended up blocking me from feeling joy. 

I am in a class right now that is unlocking so many passions that I never knew I cared so much about.  I just finished reading a book called Odd Girl Out, which focuses on hidden adolescent female aggression.  I am currently reading another book called, Ophelia Speaks, which is a sequel to Reviving Ophelia. This book is so powerful.  A girl who read Reviving Ophelia wanted to share her story and so compiled actual essays from teenage girls around the country and their experience during adolescents. Here are two of my favorite essays:

Searching through catalogs

you wish you could order

the bodies not the clothes.

By: Jessica Bulman, 17

That's all she wrote. One simple sentence. With such a profound message that is the heartbeat of too many adolescent girls (and many not-so-adolescent girls). 

How did every girl I grew up with 

learn to measure their merit

by the size of their skirt? 

By: Elizabeth Fales, 18

 This was my favorite sentence in a longer essay that summarized beautifully what this whole essay spoke about. 

I see my passions and what I am choosing to care about shift so much through this class and my internship site at church.  I am beginning (for the first time) to truly look at my junior high girls and look at my friends and even more painfully, myself, through the eyes of Christ, rather than the eyes of the media. And I see such beauty. But I see so much more pain. Especially in my friends. But I have been bombarded (and David Crowder's "How He Loves" just came on my ipod...i can't make this stuff up) with God's jealous love for me, his child.  Psalm 45:11 says, "Let the king be enthralled by your beauty; honor him, for he is your Lord." 

So, my friends, Lent is coming up.  I challenge you to love yourselves, for 40 days. Turn off the media crap that boasts on facial and bodily beauty and believe the God of the universe when he tells you that you are beautiful. 

ps. i know i am speaking just as much to me as i am to you...