Celebrate Good Times Come On

I am currently in the midst of a crisis of thinking.

What spurred this on?

For the past 25 years of my life, I have operated under the framework that God was displeased with me, my sin, my failures, etc. In my mind, I am simply not enough. I am not a good enough friend, daughter, student, child of God, artist, pianist, barista, girlfriend, sister, sister-in-law, aunt, writer, etc. etc. etc. Pretty much every role I play in my life, I assumed I was never enough. I constantly look at the ways I fail the people closest to me.

This week, I am taking a class entitled "The Wisdom of Henri Nouwen". This morning, we were asked to participate in a Lectio Divina, or a way of cultivating our friendship with Christ through merely spending time with him. Groundbreaking, right? This morning, we focused on the account of the Prodigal Son, which is chronicled in Luke 11 and the book The Return of the Prodigal Son: A Story of Homecoming, by Henri Nouwen.

During this prayer, it became clear to me that, even though I have not ever technically squandered my inheritance and came crawling back home, I feel like the son in this story who is coming home. Let me see if I can explain this further...

The son blows his entire inheritance money and lives an extravagent, offensive, indulgent lifestyle. After doing this, he comes crawling home hoping to become a servant in the house of his father. The text says, "When he was a long way off" his father saw him coming. This is to say before the son ever had a glimpse of his father he was already forgiven. What is even more beauitful is after the son offers a heartfelt apology, the father does not even continue in the conversation, but rather, immediately calls for a celebration.

This is so beautiful to me, as I feel like the son. Before I have even headed back home, I am forgiven. It is finished. All that is left for me to do is join the celebration that is occurring for me. I will continue to attempt to be the best version of me, in every role I play, but will accept that a fattened calf is being killed in honor of me.

Now, to say that life will be roses, cherries, honkeydoorey I need to rest in this offensive grace. I say it is offensive because it is that extensive, deep, accepting, loving, forgiving that it is nothing but offensive (in the very best way).

Henceforth, I will celebrate.

This is something that is posted on one of my MDiv professor's door to his office. I thought it was merely humorous. I obviously don't think men shouldn't be ordained :)

Top Ten Reasons Why Men Should Not Be Ordained


10. A man's place is in the army.

9. For men who have children, their duties might distract them from the responsibilities of being a parent.

8. Their physical build indicates that men are more suited to tasks such as chopping down trees and wrestling mountain lions. It would be "unnatural" for them to do other forms of work.

7. Man was created before woman. It is therefore obvious that man was a prototype. Thus, they represent an experiment, rather than the crowning achievement of creation.

6. Men are too emotional to be priests or pastors. This is easily demonstrated by their conduct at football games and watching basketball tournaments.

5. Some men are handsome; they will distract women worshipers.

4. To be ordained pastor is to nurture the congregation. But this is not a traditional male role. Rather, throughout history, women have been considered to be not only more skilled than men at nurturing, but also more frequently attracted to it. This makes them the obvious choice for ordination.

3. Men are overly prone to violence. No really manly man wants to settle disputes by any means other than by fighting about it. Thus, they would be poor role models, as well as being dangerously unstable in positions of leadership.

2. Men can still be involved in church activities, even without being ordained. They can sweep paths, repair the church roof, and maybe even lead the singing on Father's Day. By confining themselves to such traditional male roles, they can still be vitally important in the life of the Church.

1. In the New Testament account, the person who betrayed Jesus was a man. Thus, his lack of faith and ensuing punishment stands as a symbol of the subordinated position that all men should take.

First blog ever

This week I have been thinking a lot about my emotional health. It has recently been brought to my attention that I care a lot about what other people think of me. I care what people think when I am at the gym, at work, in class, on facebook, pretty much every setting you can imagine. I have been afraid of starting a blog since I heard of their popularity. Would anyone ever read it? What would people say? Should I use an alter-ego or fake name which seems to be so popular these days?
After reading my friend Kaylyn's blog, I decided I should give this a go. Her blog is so beautiful, honest, vulnerable, and creative.
I need to be more creative in my life. God has blessed us with creativity, and he is so creative. On Friday night, I had a craft night and I modge podged an adorable frame cataloging my time in Madagascar, Africa. This blog is yet another step in what I hope to be the right direction.

Countdown to Arizona for Thanksgiving: 4 days.

What my 4 days look like:
Monday: wake up at 3am to go to Starbucks.
10am meet Rachel for interview #2 with CCV
Class from 2-10pm

Tuesday: wake up at 3am to go to Starbucks
study for my theo final that I am scared out of my mind for

Wednesday: Sleep in!
Starbucks holiday meeting - 12pm
study for my theo final that I am still scared out of my mind for
TAKE MY THEO FINAL :( :( :(

Thursday: wake up at 3am to go to Starbucks until 11:30
12pm - 6pm: class
7:30 - FLY TO ARIZONA!

So basically, I am going to rely on a lot of the Lord's strength during the next few days to carry me through.

I am going to CCV's 808 service tonight for my first experience. I am excited/nervous/expecting