Be blessed.

Before you read this. Please take a moment to pray. Selah.

There I looked upon the hill and saw the skeleton of a tree. It was dead, barren, lifeless. Full only of sorrow and shame. Where leaves were meant to rustle, silence swallowed hard. In place of fruit, scars ran deep along its hollowed bones. Alive as merely a shadow, it stood abandoned. It had no gardener, no one to tend these scars. No one to speak life into the echoing silence of shame. Its roots searched for life, but found none. Strained and ruined, they too withered and dried. Upon the hill stood a carcass, a remnant of life once tasted, an empty reminder of what was once upon a time.

And so I turned and asked the LORD, “Lord, what good is this tree? Long has it been dead – even longer has its leaves covered the ground rather than its branches. Lord, it stands worthless. It stands without fruit. It stands, forsaken of beauty and withering in shame. It provides no shade, Lord. Its branches shrink with the coming sun. Lord, it has no life. What good are its roots? What good is its seed? It does not satisfy the weary with respite nor fruit.” And again I turned to the LORD and said, “Lord, it has no life.”

And the LORD GOD ALMIGHTY, the SAVIOR AND REDEEMER OF ALL THE WORLD, answered me. “Do not be deceived. You behold no leaves, yet. You see no fruit, yet. It satisfies not now, but too eager are you to call my creation worthless. Oh, how long will you look on with eyes of flesh? How long will you look and still fail to see? How long will you strain to listen and continue not to hear? How long will you call out questions and refuse in your heart to understand? Forget what you have seen, Beloved, and hear the truth. All of creation is rooted in me. From my breath, life is restored. It is not dead, O Loved One. Its roots run deep into Living Water. For I have chosen to bring life into this tree, not for the work or effort it has put forth. No, not for any effort on its own, but because I am GOD. I am the LIVING AND BREATHING GOD. And so this tree shall be living and breathing according to My Name. It shall shade the weary. It shall satisfy the hungry with sweet fruit. It shall satisfy for I satisfy – and not only so, but also shall it bring glory to My Name. Beloved, turn your gaze toward the hilltop and see. It is no longer without life, but sustained with life to full.”

And so I looked. Upon that hill, bathed in the warmth and grace of the LORD MY GOD, once dead, broken, without life, full of shame and guilt, choking on rage and withering with bitterness, now stands a tree with life. Sweet and satisfying fruit hangs from its branches. Syrup like honey drips from its bark. What all scorned, considered wasted, dead, without value, hopeless and weak and forgotten, GOD THE FATHER looked upon with love. By grace, the tree stands lacking no good thing. By grace, what once was dead, now is alive. By grace, what was nothing now becomes new. By grace, the broken are redeemed. By grace, the orphaned are made heirs.  By grace, we know GOD.

Praise the LORD, the LORD GOD WHO REIGNS forever and ever, Amen

by Meg Burton

From http://theburtonblog.wordpress.com/2011/08/03/by-grace-made-alive/

I love...

1. Starbucks iced coffee (took me 7 years but finally...i'm hooked)

2. this recipe. (on the menu for tonight!)

3. my newest nephew, Graham Lewis Unterkofler (coming, December '11!)

4. outback steakhouse. i'm sorry. but it's true.

5. the body of Christ.

6. our small group. such a blessing. 

7. trader joe's garlic & herb pizza crust AND their pizza sauce. AH you must try.

8. my new scarf

9. the documentary, "Fat, sick & nearly dead" if you have netflix, watch it instantly!

10. saturday night service at our church. yes please.

11. slushies. gelato. froyo. ice. freezers. any sort of thing that has any possibility of cooling my body temperature down in this god-forsaken desert :)

the. hunger. games.

ok people.

if you are like me you love a good book. scratch that. you become obsessed, neigh, consumed with a good book. note my fave book list on the bottom of my page.

and a series of books?! forget about it.

I am very passionate about the written word and seriously would prefer reading over watching tv or a movie...IF the author captivates me. A well-written book is like a beautiful piece of art. I so respect authors who can use the computer as their paint brush.

insert Suzanne Collins' The Hunger Games here.

Oh my word i may be late to catch this wave but I am forever indebted to my co-worker, Aymee Shank Roberts for forcing these books in to my hands.

If you have not read them and even more if you have never heard of them, I urge you to purchase them or race to your local library and check them out.

but...

do not read the summary or ask anyone what they are about.

that's how I went in to reading them. the first 30 or so pages were a mass confusion as to what in the h-e-double-hockey-sticks was going on. but I would have it no other way. i mean. if you couldn't imagine reading a book prior to knowing what it was about then i guess it is ultimately your decision. but I was so pleasantly surprised going in to it having NO idea what these alleged "hunger games" were about...

***warning...you will become addicted. you will not be able to put them down. so please. make sure you have time to devote to the reading of these 3 books. don't say i didn't warn you.***

the half.

if you are like me, running does not come easily. i am not one of those girls who could lace up my sneakers and run for miles. in a cutesy tight tank top & running skirt. with zero sweat running down my face. oh no. i am the girl in my husband's over-sized shirt. red as a tomato (*mallorie analogy)...you get the picture.

twice i have claimed i was going to run a real. live. race.

the first was a full marathon. i missed the first day of training. (in my defense, it was also my first semester of seminary, which was a bit harder to adjust to than i was thinking) 

the second was a half marathon. which is four weeks away and i never signed up. (which, if you read the post above, i have been pre-occupied not only with traveling everywhere but i have been emotionally occupied)


i am proud to say i am part of a running club, though. we are called the Bean Stalkers due to the fact that we are all starbucks partners. :) we update one another on our progress and are even running the Rugged Maniac in November...if i can embrace getting all muddy and dirty...


one fantastic thing that happened during my summer was the formation of a missional community (90's term would be small group) that matt & i are in. i seriously feel so blessed to be apart of this community. there are 14 of us total. new friendships have been formed, for sure. and God has been so good. remember how i mentioned going to vegas? well, i was fully equipped with the most gorgeous clothes thanks to one of my new friends in my mc letting my have full reign of her closet. another friend of mine, Mallorie, who is owner to the tomato analogy, is about to embark on a pretty intense journey with me.


it is called the half marathon. 


that's right.


my third attempt at running a race. and this time, i have every reason to believe we will find success. because we are going to keep each other accountable. and run our long runs together. our race is not until january 15th so we have plenty of time to train and prepare. i'm sure i will keep you posted on how things are going. and maybe, just maybe, i will buy a cutesy tank for the race.


ps today i read a running magazine, which claimed that drinking a slushie or eating a popsicle prior to running can lower your body temperature, thus increasing your endurance & lengthening your run time by up to 20%! I am gonna try it! (mainly because I LOVE slushies!...and it's like a sauna outside)


run on.

710

hi friends.

i realize it has been a long time. there are several reasons for this:

• california to see matt's brother play baseball
• california for our one year anniversary :)
• matt & i went to junior high summer camp (did i mention that was in california, too?)
• the vegas
• matt & i have spent a ton of time trying to buy our first home

 but alas. we are finally. home.

although there have been alot of trips i would be lying if i attributed my lack of blogging simply to being out of town. i have actually been drafting several posts for a few days but keep coming up empty-handed. because this summer has, ultimately, been...hard.

i just recently read my "lessons" post and, as easy as it is to read those lessons it is ten thousand times harder to live them out. if you are close to me you have probably received a frantic text (i would say phone call but if you know me even more you know i hate the phone.) from me begging your prayers as I wade through some really difficult stuff. 

while vacations are always refreshing and fun. they can also really mess up a girl's routine. and when my routine is messed up, it means self loathing is not far behind. because, when left to my own devices, i am lazy. i like to sit on the couch and read a book for an entire weekend. i could sleep in until 11am (as i realized several times the past few weeks). and the list of laziness goes on and on. but along with that laziness comes a deep hatred for myself. which leads to vulnerability. which leads to spiritual attack.  and none of those things add up to much inspiration to write a blog.


because, when you think of blogs, they are polished. manicured. inspiring. pretty. and, lately, i have felt none of those things.


there have been a choice few people who have spoken in to this vulnerable place in my heart. and i am so thankful for them. in one particularly scary time, in a moment of desperation, i texted a woman i work with, who is a prayer warrior. i told her i was feeling a ridiculous amount of spiritual attack and she so wisely reminded me that i am a child of God most High. and that, most importantly, Satan is the father of lies.


and then, monday night my sister-in-law reminded me that i cannot allow the enemy to second guess myself. more truth.


even while i write this, satan is speaking in my ear that no one wants to read more of my dramatic posts that always follow this same trend of fear to freedom. only to slip back to fear.


but i think, more than entering a season where i finally am out of this valley i am looking forward to being strong enough to stand up right here. in this season. and warning satan that i have God most High in my corner.


when i stray from God, i begin to talk myself in to believing God could never love me. so, on tuesday, before i closed at my store, i decided to dust off an old book of mine called the furious longing of God (by brennan manning). mind you, i was at the end of my rope. i genuinely thought God simply washed his hands of me. and then my eyes fell on this first page of the book which held this verse.

i am my beloved's, 

and his desire is for

me. 

Song of Solomon 7:10

 i shut the book, knowing that was all i needed to read that day.

so i stand, somewhat feebly, on this truth. in fact, i wrote 710 on my hand in permanent marker. because i know that my mind wanders but i want to be tethered to this truth. that i belong to God. and better yet, his desire is for me.

confession (& home remedy!)

Ok, I have something extremely embarrassing to confess....



About 2 months ago, I got a wart on my finger!

At first, I thought it was a blister so I would try to peel it off but it kept stinkin' coming back. I resigned to the fact that it was, indeed, the first wart of my life. And, of course, it had to appear on my ring finger on my left hand! ugh! why couldn't it be any other finger?!?!

So, I went to target to look in the first aid aisle hoping to find some wart removal options. I found a Dr. Scholl's 10-day treatment pack but it was like $13 and I did not want to give my wart the satisfaction of $13 that could be spent on so many other things. I didn't want to go to a doctor and have it painfully removed. That would probably be even more expensive. So I came home and googled it. I found a plethora of home remedies including banana peels, garlic, vitamin c, etc.

Then I found one fascinating entry from someone who swore by apple cider vinegar.

Apple Cider Vinegar?!?! weird! but I decided to try it.

I bought apple cider vinegar (.97 cents at Wal-Mart) and athletic tape ($2) and used cotton balls (already in my house). For three days, I constantly wore this salve (warning....it's stinky!), applied tightly to my finger (changing it approximately 5 times daily) and by day four....

It was GONE.

I kid you not. It turned black (graphic...sorry) and fell off!!!!!

So if you are plagued with this embarrassing little virus, fret no more!  Apple Cider Vinegar!

lessons.

My sweet friends I apologize for my absence.  I also want to thank you for the sweet words from so many of you as I have bumped in to you around town or received sweet facebook messages. It is a blessing to be able to share my story and use it as a way to grow and learn together.

I am sitting here, Carley Maier, Mdiv. :), in my favorite local shop completely alone. The past month has been so full of emotions of every size, shape, and color that I am pretty sure any therapist would most surely diagnose multiple personality in me. Here are a few lessons I have learned: (mind you, I know several of these will sound so ridiculously cliche and "churchy" but alas, they are my heart)

1) Jesus loves me. If you have read my blog for any period of time you have probably come to realize that I have struggled with this reality my entire life. I cannot wrap my mind around a holy, sovereign God loving me and being absolutely wild about... me. Don't say I didn't warn you. This sounds cliche. Of course God loves us. I mean it's probably the first verse we learned in our lives. "For God so loved the world He sent his only begotten (that's a deep word for toddlers?) Son that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life." So we hear and memorize these words from three years old but are we able to grasp the severity of their weight? I hope you have. But for me, it has been a lifelong battle. Because every time I slip up and do that thing that I always wage war with and lose, I submit to the seeming reality that I am beyond God's love.
Since graduating in the beginning of May, I have been blessed cursed with the gift of time. No longer am I stressed to the max to finish that assignment or write that paper. And I say this is a blessing but really a curse (but really a blessing) because it has forced me to come face to face with my inner demons that are much more easily suppressed when I am busy. For example: my entire extended family excels at worrying and anxiety. We are pro's. I dare your family to challenge my family to a worry war. We will smash you. And I am not proud of that. This is a discipline I have to keep in check every single day. That being said, here is my next lesson:
2) Daily time with the Lord is crucial. Ok, clearly cliche. We also grew up hearing this from infancy. And, again, if you have read my blog, this became quite a detriment to my relationship with God. Because I began to view my relationship with God as a check off the "to do" list or a jewel in my crown. But this is the opposite of what it has become to me. I have viewed my personal time with God (which, by the way consists of prayer, journaling, reading "Streams in the Desert", "Jesus Lives" (can I even put a parenthesis inside of another parenthesis? oh well, it's my blog both of these are daily devotionals), "Think" by John Piper, the daily Psalm, the daily Proverb, and wherever the Spirit guides me for personal biblical study (which happened to be the biblical books of Ruth and Esther this month. I almost always come to this coffeeshop and plug in my earbuds to my "inspire me" playlist.) as my anchor. Don't believe me? I can prove it. Last week, I had my time of study Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday but failed to do so the rest of the week. By today I felt so anxious, worried, out of control that, out of sheer desperation, I came to this place and had to journal it out for quite some time before I could even begin. I felt so unraveled that I did not even know where to start. And then I began reading "Streams" and oh my gosh. It met me exactly where I was. Here is the verse that coincided with the reading: "They were at their wits' end. Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble, and he brought them out of their distress" -Psalm 107:27-28. Praise Jesus. And the poem today was entitled, "Wits' End Corner".

3. Happiness is a choice. Now, if you ask my husband or even possibly my store manager they would laugh completely when they read this lesson. Because, quite frankly, I do not often choose happiness. I choose to be frazzled, scared, angry, sad, alone, stressed (remember...multiple personality) etc. I believe happiness to be a discipline. Sure, we all go through seasons when happiness is not seemingly an option and there are seasons where that is entirely appropriate. But, for me, my attitude is a direct result to my lack of trust in Christ. (aka sin). I am listening to a song even now, entitled "Choose" by Christy Nockels (fave). It explains how she chooses to be in love with Christ. And, as if we need to choose to be in love with Christ, she chronicles what this looks like. Please, if you are going through a specific season in your life where happiness is simply not a choice I beg you to invite someone nearest you in to your pain. Because Satan thrives in our isolation. I have sensed this even in my own life throughout the past month. Because Matt has been working crazy tutoring hours (because we are trying to buy a house! hip! hip!) which means I am alone until around 8:30 or 9pm most nights. Because my parents live far away. Because my best friend is out of the country. And during this time, I am prey to Satan and the thoughts he entices me with: "You are never going to find a job in ministry". "How could you ever think God could love you when you ________." "Matt is tutoring because he would rather be out of the house". "Why are you not praying more". and on and on the thoughts go, often deeper and deeper until I either wind up in tears or on my knees in prayer.
which leads me to my last lesson I have learned in this crazy emotional rollercoaster month:

4. God is in control. ah. So cliche. yet so true. When I am still enough and quiet enough to hear the words of Christ I consistently hear, "Wait on me. I will provide. Let me have control in this situation." And my fear and anxiety subsides enough to give way to the most comforting feeling of the sustaining love of Christ. If you have experienced a graduation season you probably know that it is accompanied with inquiries from friends, family, even strangers as to what life has next for you. I have wanted to screenprint a t-shirt that politely asks people to refrain from succumbing to this enticing question because i don't know!!!!!!!! And in this society that prizes worldly success it is not exactly comforting to inform people that my next steps have yet to be determined. And, again, when I spend a few days apart from my time with the Lord, I become unglued. But in the beautiful moments of clarity I so clearly hear the Lord tell me that He is my provider and my refuge. He is in control. And I get a few chances to breathe deeply and feel nothing but sheer excitement that this next season of my life is uncertain. But I know who holds my future. And that, to me, is beautiful.

So friends, if you are experiencing a time of confusion, anxiety, worry, etc. I could not beg you more strongly to dive in to the person of Jesus and the truths found in scripture. Selah.